I saw one comment about baking and that reminded me…

If you let your 6 year-old bake, you don’t teach them oven safety then leave them to it. You do it together.

The same is probably good for tech and internet. Do it as a together thing. And that means also cultivating good habits yourself. If you sit watching porn all day and writing hate mail on Facebook, telling your niece she’s not old enough for it yet, she’s going to see and want to try.

What is ((thing)) for? How do we use it? The answers are learnt in watching and in doing it together. I know the internet is famous for children learning all sorts of things by themselves (including good things). But I think for healthy development, this still applies, and when they’re ready for The Great World Beyond With All Its Pitfalls And Evils, they’re more ready.

It’s been tough on us, most of all - as others have said - from the sleep deprivation. For a while we’ve often felt like roommates who happen to be parents of the same child. That’s starting to change now. But, funnily, even in that time of feeling more apart it’s like we work together better too - we’re a better team. I think looking after the baby puts some things in perspective.

Perhaps the biggest thing I’d advise - and that I think we’ve done well mostly - is having a mindset of family instead of romantic relationship. The romance is something wonderful within the family, rather than the family is an extra thing that comes from the romance.

So if romance takes a back seat for a while, it’s not like, “oh no, now I have all this hard work and responsibility… one day I’ll be back to the thing I like.” Instead, where ‘couple’ used to be the most important focus of relational life, now ‘family’ is. So all that effort going into baby, baby, baby, is every step investing goodness in your family - so that builds up your relationship too.

Sorry, maby that’s a bit confusing at the end, I don’t know how to write it well.

To answer some questions directly,

Does this phase eventually runs its course?

The phase of tiredness and struggle, yes… kind of. There’s always new things to cope with with children! But the change in what your relationship looks like? No. You still have a good relationship, but what ‘good’ looks like becomes different, just like what ‘attractive’ looks like becomes different when you go from 20 to 50. Some people don’t handle it well.

How do you find the mental fortitude to ignore the stupid bs your partner does or says?

By recognising that you do just as much stupid bs, and by being much quicker to forgive and apologize than to judge. Also by realising your partner’s way of doing something is legitimate even when it’s not the way you’d do it, and knowing when to step back and let them - even support them - rather than butting in with how you should do it different.

How would you describe love to your partner a year after having a baby?

Stronger. Stronger on a deep level. We’ve fought so hard to keep our love from being bashed around by stupid bs from outside and inside, both before our child and after. But we have some re-learning to do for how to help our closeness flourish now the baby is less ever-present and all-consuming!

Is there any way to know if you and your partner are going to make it and remain a couple after having a child?

Probably not for certain, but there’s many things you can do / look for.

• be a Family not a Couple. Is life just about sex and the pleasure you get from your partner? Make life about pouring your love and creative expression into your family.

• Are you married? What holds you together in the hard times? Be truly committed to each other, “for better or for worse,” having absolutely no place for thinking about cheating or breaking up. That clear mindset of faithfulness and together-to-the-end will help you through the hard times.

• be humble, quick to apologize, quick to forgive, quick to think your partner’s perspective is important even when it seems dumb to you at first glance.

• how well do you make up when you argue? Can you go to bed after, even during, an argument, and know you love them? Or do you fight and break up until they admit they were wrong? Do you feel together again afterwards, or after each argument do you feel more like it’s time to leave?

• do you have people around you? Community? Family? Does your partner have friends they can go to and bitch to, to let off steam when things in your little family of you/them/baby feel too intense? Do you have such friends? That’s often more important for women.

• are your finances ready? And can you talk together about them? Stress from finances often causes big stress in the relationship. But even if you’re poor and financially struggling it doesn’t have to, if you know how to feel together about budgeting, and respect each others’ decisions.

…well, I’ve rambled on long enough! Hope some of that is helpful.

Another comment posted a higher resolution version

From that snippet, it looks like they basically primed it to try blackmail, to see if it would.

It’s the weed room.

“I’ll be right down, in a few minutes; I’m going to take the “stairs”.”

Another comment said unions aren’t interested in getting rid of this.

I dunno, companies would start cutting costs by firing all but the front driver. Need strong unions in place before that.

This is what I want to know also. “AI textbooks” is a great clickbait/ragebait term, but could mean a great variety of things.

Wow, thank you for the insight. I guess this would be helped somewhat with some of the lighter models being designed, and used locally.

That’s something I think AI could do really good for education. “I’ve been learning combinatorial theory - these are my notes - where would I look to understand how that relates to the Standard Model?”

I’m liking it. I’ve had no problem with the Android app, but then I don’t use it a lot, nor do my 10k pre-shrunk photos compare to some people’s collections here.

My only complaint is that two accounts don’t share great if you want to share face data etc. or to have a shared album show up in each others’ timeline.

Edit to add: Also because it lacks editing, I think my new workflow is going to have to be keep the photos separately still and edit/sort them my old way, then put them back in an external folder. I still want to do external folders generally because I still want my photos organised my way on the file system, but I was hoping to gradually sort/delete/edit in Immich to make the workflow more relaxing. Maybe I’ll still do some of it - deleting and I think it can rate - but I haven’t worked that out yet.

Myself right now I’d probably take it with me - in fact that’s that I’m planning to do in a couple of months - but it sounds like my needs are a bit less than yours, and i can do some stuff just over LAN and on the ‘server’ (which is also a laptop) itself.

For more, I think I’d also ask a friend like you’re thinking.

I did that before with a relative - just had to ask them to restart the server every now and again!

About trusted encryption keys, I did it with a simple password for boot encryption, that my relative knew, so in the event of theft it’d still be hard for thieves to get anything; but after boot I’d ssh in and unlock the second disk with my own password, then start up the services.

I’ve had some amusing mixed experience with ChatGPT for this. When I asked about iptables rules to restrict podman, it was great. About podaman quadlets, though, which I first misspelled ‘quartlets’, it completely made it up, and even sent me a fake link to nonexistent documentation when I challenged it!

• it’s more helpful if you ask the right questions
• and its answers often give you ideas of what to google
• Old stuff that has been written about many times over is more likely to get a proper answer
• sometimes the gist of a wrong command/answer could still help me understand what to do with the right one

Try to understand whatever you use from AI. At least understanding the general picture of what it means, and a basic idea of “this flag is for this; this option is for that”. AI can also help you with that understanding, but again beware of it completely making up something logically coherent but wrong.

I set up my old laptop as a home server, with a vps as reverse proxy via nebula. It runs Mint - strange for a server but that’s so it can still be a laptop. Syncthing keeps it in sync with the more portable laptop.

The ‘server’ now runs immich, which I can use super fast from the laptop itself; a bit slower if I connect with nebula over the LAN (it’s firewalled off from the LAN generally); or still pretty decently via the VPS on Https - and that VPS proxy means the family phones can connect with the apps easily.

Immich runs in podman, with some help from Lemmy about how to set that up.

And filebrowser makes it easy to share files or allow uploads with/from family around the world. With caddy on the VPS, ufw on the server and nebula in between, it’s really easy to add in something like filebrowser on a new subdomain.

Next is to try some other podman containers, or set up mqtt and owntracks.

Eh, so do we. If you’re in a wooden house, it’s also made of hydrocarbons. Of course there’s a difference, it’s not literally made of human flesh, but neither are Lego houses: they’re made of the same stuff as Lego people; and so are our houses made of the same stuff as us. It’s a philosophical distinction, to say what truly divides me-flesh-stuff and house-stuff, because in one level, they are certainly different, and on another they are the same. The Lego world being all made of mouldable plastic would presumably have metaphysical distinctions between this-stuff and that-stuff that seem subtle to us, who have distinctions between this-hydrocarbon-stuff (or even this-molecular-stuff) and that-hydrocarbon-stuff.

Long ago, in the excellent scholarly work entitled Potty Politics, I read that the distance between the lines on the floor of the UK House of Commons, that separate the two parties, is just too wide for crossing swords.

Doesn’t even need to be paper. Have locked-down, internet-disconnected computers in the exam hall bas glorified typewriters.

I assumed you were also meaning about getting to your nice steak some days later and getting a whiff of memory of the burning-to-death person, and being put off by the trauma from that.

The answers I’ve seen here (really good ones! Thank you guys!) don’t seem to address that directly, but it sounds from them like mostly if you work in that job you learn to push away the horror one way or another and get on with life, and steak-vs-man turns out not so different - even with, as you say, smell being particularly evocative of memories.

That tech was supposed to be ready 10 years ago. Come on, scientists, get your act together!

Sounds like a good plot for a novel.